feelin’ good

Confession of a Flirtaholic

Have you ever been in a relationship? A lasting one? I’ve never. And the reason is, I get bored. Really. Easily.

I’ve had a total of 2 boyfriends. The first was short of 2 months; the second was 6 months, a gruelling 6 months. And the rest? Not boyfriends, but not friends either. You know what I mean. And each of them hardly lasted a month.

Today I hurt a guy I really love. He’s like my best friend. But I flirted with him, until he liked me in return. Once he liked me, it’s like my mission’s accomplished. I no longer feel a thing.

Evil? Call me that. It hurt me deeply, too. I’ve been stabbed with a knife. The stabber is me.

Every time it started out so sweetly. I had this feeling I was so into him. The world blossomed. Even the ugliest duckling by the lake looked perfectly lovely. I would talk, flirt, chat, and made his world blossomed as mine was. It almost always worked. Then when it worked, I lost interest. Suddenly, the world didn’t blossom anymore. I don’t know why. The world became instantly normal, with a tint of boredom, without a hint of the blossoms it was a second ago.

The biggest showdown came when he knew that I had changed. I could never pretend or hide my feelings for long. I’m not the type. And he was hurt. Must have come as a big surprise. I was surprise, too, at myself.

Then a knife came through to my heart. The instant he’s hurt, I’m hurt, too. Afterall, I’m the cause of it all. All my fault. My unpredictable me and only me.

I don’t know how I can change myself to become a better person.

5 responses

  1. I’ve never thought about you telling something like this. ;)

    However, from my point of view, it’s not that bad. Unsuccessful love stories tend to sound more romantic anyway. You’re right. You just get bored easily. I think you need to keep breaking people’s hearts until you find the right guy.

    Maybe you could try break my heart. LOL

    September 3, 2009 at 2:20 am

  2. Every person makes mistakes, but a better person does not repeat them. With this definition, I believe that you can be that person. :)

    September 3, 2009 at 10:59 am

  3. chaky

    Cheer up!

    September 3, 2009 at 9:49 pm

  4. bella

    fuck off

    December 8, 2010 at 5:15 am

  5. your voice, my heart

    I honestly know where you are coming from. This happens 2 me all the time. Im trying 2 work on it with this guy im dating now but its a up hill battle because even though im with him, I cant help but flirt with my long term “flirt buddy.” We dont kiss or anything like that (me and the flirt buddy) but feeling of some sort are still thier.

    July 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

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